TCHB-019 The Secret Chronicles of a Certain Man 05

Life doesn't go as planned. It's been a while since I started selling dangerous videos from some shady old man, and while my savings have increased, my spirit has worn thin, and I've lost the meaning of life. Even if I make money, it only means I won't have to worry about old age; I don't know how to use money to enrich my life. At best, I can add a salad to my beef bowl and pretend to care about health. Even if I became a millionaire, I couldn't imagine myself cruising in the Caribbean like rich people do in movies. Someone with no education like me wouldn't know what to do with money except open bottles of cheap champagne at a cabaret or give tips to slightly cuter streamers. Someone said that living within your means is the secret to a rich life, but I understand that having more money than you can handle is nothing but luxury. Asking for advice online only gets responses like 'Give me' or 'Donate,' and I know these are low-level comments. I've thought about using money to wash away the guilt of being involved in the old man's crimes, but the victims don't even have memories of being sexualized, so compensation doesn't make sense. At best, I could go to where they work, spend money, increase sales, or give tips, but that would turn me into a stalker, and imagining it makes me feel like a disgusting man. In the end, there's nothing I can do but watch from the sidelines.
Living with this mental struggle also gets tiring, but life is full of contradictions, so I have to convince myself otherwise. In this world where copycat criminals are increasing, my level of wrongdoing doesn't amount to much. 'Those who imitate criminals are the true bottom feeders.' 'People who want easy success without hardship should all be deported to some country.' These words were said by the old man and have nothing to do with me. But people who simply want to make money easily, how will they use it when they have it? They'll probably just waste it like I do. In that sense, I'm no different from them. I just acknowledge that I am a pathetic piece of trash.