"Humans are sentenced to freedom" — Sartre said that. We choose every day. We are given the freedom to choose. Like breathing, today I also process materials. Is this work? Joy? Escape? Or is it an extension of the revelation God gave me? No one knows. I don't get it either. Reason and erection, both come from the same brain. If that's the case, who can blame this restless heart? What I see before my eyes is a perfect body. Systematic steps, unhesitating actions, an irresistible woman's silence. This old man's aesthetic sense has already reached the realm of art. I used to hate it. But before I knew it, I was worshipping it. They say contempt is the flip side of admiration, and that's exactly what this is. The guy whom I thought was ‘the worst’ had my body reacting to his material. As if my body forgave him before my soul did. 'Rightness' died in me a long time ago. 'Lying is no good,' my father's voice saying that still lingers in my eardrums. But Dad, I don't want money. I want to 'see.' Illegal material, right in front of me. With all my might. If this is a sin, then I'm already being punished. Every night, alone. Because I entered this industry, my credibility crumbled like a sandcastle. If it were to be exposed to the world, my door would be spray-painted with 'Die,' I'd be shunned at convenience store counters, and notifications from dating apps would fall silent forever. But even so, I'll upload today. Not just the material, but my soul. This act is already a ritual of self-destruction and an offering for rebirth. The women were astonishingly well-arranged. The lines of their backs, the angles of their legs, the contours of their faces. I stared intently as they began to crumble. And then, I held my breath. Beauty resides in destruction. That old man knows this. Why do people get excited about such imagery? Or who decided that one shouldn't get excited? Is it the law? Ethics? Or 'common sense'? 'Common sense is nothing more than a collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen'—Einstein said this too. I am drowning in the sea of prejudice today as well, delivering this 'ethically lowest and sexually highest video' to you. So please, don't spread it too much. But if possible, I hope you watch it more than anyone else. This contradiction is my 'honesty'.
